Using Jargon - Control

Jargon can also be used to manage and control people. Language is used to manage and compartmentalise everything, which has given rise to ideas or perhaps careers in change management, knowledge management, information management, and moving forward management. Here are two such examples from a book called “Death Sentence” by Don Watson (Paul Keating’s speech writer):

Teamwork is critical to effective continuous improvement and standardisation. Individuals can support the team by taking the responsibility for the success of the team following through commitments, contributing to discussions, actively listening to others, getting your message across clearly, giving useful feedback, accepting feedback easily.

The information needs identifier (INI) would discover, as a bye-product (sic), several ideas, tools methods and techniques of satisfying clients in meeting their needs as well as design new and novel information services and products to meet those needs.

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Using Jargon - Aesthetics

In the same way in which black tie suits and evening gowns are brought out for special occasions, people can also use jargon to hide linguistic wobbly bits. People sometimes like to decorate their conversations with interesting words, a perfectly legitimate thing to do. For example, I am attracted to the words repugnant, coagulate, abecedarian and embiggens for no other reason than the words themselves as well as the sound of the words. Here are the first three verses of a famous poem called the Jabberwocky, a jargon filled, but aesthetically pleasing, piece of writing:

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

(Click here if you missed the Introduction to my Using Jargon Series)

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Using Jargon - Pride

It is possible to use jargon not to exclude people, nor to protect yourself, but simply to show off. These are people (or pests) who sprout words and phrases, regardless of whether they mean anything and regardless of whether the listener (or the speaker in many cases) actually understand what is said. What follows is an adaptation of a pivitol point in the gospel of Mark (chapter 8) from the bible:

Jesus and his disciples went on to the villages around Caesarea Philippi. On the way he asked the, ‘Who do people say that I am?’
They replied ‘Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, one of the prophets’

‘But what about you?’ He asked. ‘Who do you say I am?’

And His disciples answered unto ‘You are the supreme eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch. You are the kerygma behind all myths with which we find the ultimate meaning in our interpersonal relationships. You are of one substance yet coeternal with the Father, the eruption of eternity into the space-time continuum.’

And Jesus said: ‘What?’

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Using Jargon - Protection

Jargon can also be used like an insurance policy where it is only pulled out in times of trouble, and used as a form of protection. By this I mean, if people use enough jargon or ambiguous terms they can then always claim to have been quoted out of context or misunderstood. In line with this idea, here is a quote from an insurance policy:

The Carrier shall not be liable for injury or damage to or destruction or loss of the Goods or any other property arising out of or incidental to or in connection with or occurring during the provision of the Services or for the mis-delivery or nondelivery of the Goods and whether or not caused or contributed to by the default (including negligence) of the Carrier or any agent, servant or officer of the Carrier or any other person entitled to the benefit of these conditions.

In plain English, this clause reads:

If the goods do not turn up, or if they turn up damaged, it is not our fault.

I would love to be able to say this to my boss one day – “I may or may not turn up to work tomorrow, but even if I do, I may or may not work properly”.

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Using Jargon - Belonging

Many people use jargon as a declaration of belonging (while related to the idea of excluding others, the focus is more on being included or identified to a particular group). For example, at some hospitals you could find people saying (at least in the quietness of their own minds), I am a doctor and because I am a doctor I am required to sprinkle two to three acronyms in every sentence (eg. MRI, ECG, RW, CT scan, PCA, RBC) or use very descriptive language for terms that could otherwise be more simply explained (I accept that some jargon is necessary to properly describe complex ideas, but much of it is not). The following is from a doctor’s report in the case of R v Millar [2005] NSWCCA 202 (17 June 2005):

...the patient had moderate peri-orbital right sided haematoma with extreme tenderness immediately lateral to the right orbit and some infra orbital abrasions. The patient’s face was swollen from the right side of his nose to immediately lateral to the right orbit. Both eyes opened satisfactorily. There was no diplopia. Conjugate gaze was satisfactory. Facial sensation was normal. The patient was tender over the zygoma. 

The CT showed comminuted fractures affecting the medial wall and floor of the right orbit as well as the nasal bones. There was mild prolapse of infra orbital fat into the superior aspect of the right maxillary sinus and note was made of comminution of the bony canal containing the infra orbital nerve. Secondary opacification of the right- sided paranasal sinuses was noted. 

Following the examination, arrangements were made for an open reduction and internal fixation of the right orbital and nasal fractures for the following day.

A witness in the case described the same thing in four words: black eye, broken nose.

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Using Jargon - Introduction

Have you ever wondered why people use jargon?

From the weatherman’s warning of “oncoming precipitation” to the mechanic’s eternal excuse of “we’re waiting on parts”; from the football commentator’s description of a game of “two halves” to restaurant menus and art critics and religious people and teenagers and the list goes on. Everyone uses jargon.

But have you ever wondered why people use it? The simple answer, and one that I have long assumed, is that people use jargon to exclude others. But quite often the reason for verbal verbosity, dialectic indirectness, equivocal elocution, and archaic ambiguities (including the four ridiculous phrases I have just used) is much more complex.

What follows this week is several quotes that I have found from professions that, in my opinion, are the worst offenders (including of course those annoying people who are actually paid to use, abuse and effuse jargon in their day to day work – lawyers). Apart from simply posting the quotes, I am also going to give reasons other than exclusion for why in my opinion people use jargon (Please note, this may end up being a rant and a rave, but after all, this is a blog).

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The Wednesday Word - eargasm

Today's Wednesday word is eargasm. It means the sensation one gets at the climax of some dramatic music, or the climax of musical excitement.

Here is my quote for it:

"The eargasm of the Symphony in the Park was of course the old favourite Tchaikovsky's 1812 overture. It had everything including the cannons, the bangs, and the explosions not to mention the fireworks, which left most of us excited and exhausted but ultimately satisfied."

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Previous post continued ...

It seems like the problem described in my post below is not all that uncommon:

"Wheelchair access at top of Macdonaldtown station stairs"

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Heritage buildings and modern renovations

Today I was in one of Sydney's grand old heritage buildings which has been completely renovated and is a great blend of modern style with vintage class. It is complete with beautiful paint work, glassed conference rooms and marble style toilets.

Why am I telling you about this?

Because whoever designed these new renovations forgot about one important aspect - while the ladies and gents toilets are on the ground floor, the disabled access toilet was at the top of a spiral staircase. While there may have been a lift up to this toilet, it was not within my ability to find, and this is, to my mind, a rather odd, if not absurd design decision.

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Using jargon series coming up

As announced on my Blog Series tab at the top of my Blog, I am going to be starting a series entitled "Using Jargon", probably on Friday or Saturday this week. It will be all about the good and bad reasons people use jargon and some examples of the worst offenders.

So stay tuned.

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Talking sausages

Another ridiculous joke:

Two sausages were sitting in a fry pan and one says to the other "Is it getting hot in here?"
and the other sausage screams "Oh my God - a talking sausage"

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Once I wept for I had no shoes

“ Once I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came across a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them. ” – Jack Handy

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The Wednesday Word - tintinnabulation

Today's Wednesday Word is tintinnabulation. It means a tinkling sound as if from some bells or glass chiming or something like that (I think the word is supposed to be an onomatopoeia, that is sounds like what it means).

The word is probably most pompously known from a poem called "The Bells" by Edgar Allen Poe, who also wrote another famous one called 'The Raven' which the Simpsons did an episode on. I think this whole poem is supposed to be onomatopoeic:

Hear the sledges with the bells -
Silver bells!
What a world of merriment their melody foretells!
How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
In the icy air of night!
While the stars that oversprinkle
All the heavens, seem to twinkle
With a crystalline delight;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells
From the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
From the jingling and the tinkling of the bells.

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Are you part of the solution?

Another great quote from in front of Elizabeth's bookstore (I'm sure chemistry students and academics must love this one):

"If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate"

(Click here for a previous post on Elizabeth's bookstore)

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Red Tip Bananas

I quite often see bananas in the supermarket that have what looks like and feels like red wax on one end of the banana. I've been told that this is for identification, pricing, flavour, preservation, warmth and appearance.

Does anyone actually know why they dip the tip of some bananas in red wax?

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Social notworking

Here is a rather good term / phrase that I heard of recently - 'Social notworking'.

It means spending copious amounts of time on social networking websites during business hours.

We are banned from social notworking at our workplace as we are banned from social networking sites (if that makes sense).

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Ministry and the Simpsons

I heard a great quote on the Simpsons last Sunday (For the Simpsons fans, it was in the episode where Reverend Lovejoy saves Ned Flanders life in the County of the Apes):

Flanders: You saved me, Reverend. You really went above and beyond. Thank you.

Reverend Lovejoy: Oh, don’t thank me, thank Marge Simpson. She taught me that there’s more to being a minister than not caring about people.

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Bad jokes

Here is a really bad joke I heard the other day:

Did you hear about the two silk worms who went in a race? They ended up in a tie.

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The Wednesday Word - synecdoche

Today's Wednesday Word is synecdoche. It is a when a figure of speech, which is actually only a part of a whole, is used to describe or represent the whole. Or it can be when the whole represents only a part of a thing. This can be when a smart person is described as a brain, or when Canberra has decided to give $900 to every man and his dog.

Think also of the phrases 'all hands on deck' or 'white collar criminals'.

All you good ears out there, let me know if you hear of any others.

(Click here to see the previous Wednesday words for Pandiculation or Horripilation)

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Bras and lingerie

I don't often write about bras or lingerie, in fact I never have, and probably never will again. However I saw this store in country NSW and just enjoyed the wordplay.

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A not so great but recent escape

I wrote a whole series in March on the Great Escapes from NSW prisons, and in my introduction I spoke of how rare they are.

Well just to prove me wrong here is an interesting article from the Sydney Morning Herald:

Four youths escape from jail

Not as exciting as my Top 5, but nonetheless quite daring and worthy of comment.

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Swimming pool rules

Here is a sign from a pool. Its translation should read "No diving out of the pool". Hope you like it.

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The Biggest Loser by half

Many of you will have seen this week the end of the fourth series of the Biggest Loser. For those of you who didn't see it, or don't even know what it is about, it is a show in which people compete to lose weight, and at the end of the series the biggest loser is declared the winner. While the whole premise seems a bit tacky, I watched a number of the shows and actually really enjoyed it - who would have thought that watching fat people exercise could have been so much fun.

But in the end, the gentleman in these pictures, Bob Herdsman, was the winner (for the dimwitted among you, the left photograph is the before shot, and the right one is the after).

Now you may be wondering why I am writing about this, as it's not the usual type of post of mine, but apart from being impressed by his weight loss, Bob, at the point of winning, had some fantastic wordplay. After he found out he had lost 52 per cent of his original body weight here is what he said:

"I'm half the man I used to be, but I'm just wondering which half I now am."

and in response to the usual questions about how you feel he said:

"I don't know which half to speak on behalf of, but on behalf of the half that's here, I feel great"

Good on you Bob.

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A morning chiasmus

Here is what in my opinion is a fantastic chiasmus:

"Every morning, in your first view of the day,
you have the choice to say,
'Good morning, God' or 'Good God, morning.' "

Wayne Dyer, American author

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