To all the burger lovers out there – I have a problem

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Monday 29 April 2013

I love burgers. I love all types of burgers. There is something about the combination of meat, (ham or otherwise) between two layers of bread (bun or otherwise) that in my view is just delicious. And when you add cheese or salad or other weird things like pickle or pineapple and top it off with (insert other random ingredient) to that delicious combination along with mouth watering sauce – mmmm, I’m already salivating.

Now before you start thinking, is he advertising something, or being paid by some company to describe eating a hamburger, you can be assured I am not (although open to the idea …).

But I do have a problem in eating burgers. A big problem. A problem so significant that it has already been through two United Nations Executive Committee meetings, has made front page news of the Das Hamburger Morgenpost (yes it really exists), and drawn comment from the World Lettuce Advisory Board (check it out here).
It is a problem that doesn’t discriminate on how big or small the burger is, nor if it is being eaten at the fanciest of restaurants or the greasiest of greasy spoon diners. The problem is the same.

And here it is – why does the bottom layer of the bun always get smaller and smaller as I eat a burger when compared to the top layer of the bun. That is, can anyone explain to me why as I hold the burger with my thumbs on the bottom layer and my other fingers on the top layer, and eat through the burger I am left with a thin crescent moon of a bottom layer, while the top layer is still somewhere between a half and full moon shape?

Now, before you start wondering and considering the possibilities, please take into account the following facts and assumptions you can make:

·           No I don’t have a lower jaw the size of a mandible whale.
·           No I don’t have the eating habits of a starved pig at a trough;
·           No I have never suffered from the debilitating condition known as lock-jaw;     

This problem usually gets to a point where I either have flip the entire burger over in my hands and munch down to even the bun sizes, or angle the burger, (and my head and mouth for that matter) to such an extent that I have been asked on more than one occasion to stop eating that way as it’s disturbing the other customers.

Can you recognise the problem? Have you ever experienced this yourself? 

Either way, does anyone have a solution?


Anonymous said...

The top of a bun has more surface area than the bottom, so you need to eat more of it to come out even at the end...

Lindi said...

Exactly, Anonymous, which is why I usually turn the burger upside down from the beginning. :)

GeoffK said...

Gravity and juices. The weight of all the stuffing and squashes the bottom bun which is further softened by the juices/sauce/etc. You need burgers with equal top and bottom halves, and keep flipping it each bite, and put a layer of lettuce against each half of the bun (as a juice barrier)

Anonymous said...

Buy unsliced buns and slice them so top and bottom are equal

Andrew said...

I am having trouble believing that it is really as simple as the top bun being bigger than the bottom bun. I am definitely going to try eating it upside down from the beginning next time.

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