The cult of binging

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Monday, 6 May 2013

Are you a binger?

Now, before I begin my rant, I would like to highlight an assumption of yours – to binge is negative. Is that what you thought? I haven’t even told you what type of binging I am going to rave on about, but you are now already uncomfortable about two things – first that you may be a binger, and second you assumed it was negative.

Is he referring to binge eating, I hear you ask. Does he mean someone who can eat a whole block of chocolate in one sitting, or tub of mayonnaise, or head of lettuce, or (insert most recent unusual food item you ate in whale like proportions)? Is he talking about people who go to all you can eat buffets complete with sneeze guards and drool catchers? Is he referring to sausage or pie eating competitions? No I am not referring to binge eating.


Oh, he must be talking about binge drinking then. You know the people who get so drunk that their bodies switch on auto-pilot and purge a huge amount of toxin in a short space of time before letting their friends take a photo of them and put it on Facebook. No I am not referring to binge drinkers. What else is there?
  • Binge Winkers – those creepy guys who flash one eye lid in an attempt to be sexy (yes I used the word “attempt”); 
  • Binge Whingers – people who constantly moan about things; 
  • Binge Cringers – people who regularly make you feel awkward by their words or actions, eg. nose pickers, close talkers, BO abusers, halitosis sufferers. 
Am I referring to these? No, No and No.

I am referring to the most respectable and greatest binge issue of the current western world?

Binge holidays.

Now if you thought I meant taking time off work to go and binge drink, or binge eat, or even more unusually, to binge wink, than your assumptions lie deeper than expected. I am talking about living a lifestyle where holidays or time off becomes the thing you binge on. That is, binging on holidays.

Now I am sure you are wondering whether you are a binge holidayer, but this post/rant has already gone on long enough (well over the acceptable word limit of a Daily Vowel Movements blog post) so I going to finish it off next Monday. Why on Monday? Well I’m sure the more regular and astute readers of this blog would have noticed, Monday is the day that I post my new weekly column called “Noisy Gongs and Clanging Cymbals”. These are just me experimenting, enjoying and equivocating on only the most serious issues from around the world, like why my son scrunches rather than folds, why escalators are so scary, and whether you should ever read a book with a number in the title (perhaps one day I will even attempt an explanation for the title of this section of my blog).

So come back next week to find out the three questions that will confirm your current status as a binge holidayer, but until then enjoy the litany of crazy, funny, useless and pointless posts about life, love and the looniverse that tend to dominate this blog.


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