Posts
Caution - wet floor
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
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Inmate or visitor?
Tuesday, 30 March 2010
It's not really a punctuation post, but I realised the other day how hard it must be to learn English.
Take for example the huge difference in the following sentences by the addition of one letter:
Have you ever been in gaol?
Have you ever been in a gaol?
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Democracy and Feudalism chiasmus
Monday, 29 March 2010
In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
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Caution - Caution tape
Good lesson in not running on ahead of parents
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Common phrases from the King James Bible
Sunday, 28 March 2010
To follow on from a post a couple of days ago, here is a list of common phrases that have all come out of the King James Bible. While I agree with many others, that it is a difficult version to read, it has had a huge linguistic impact, partly because many of these phrases have persisted into the present day. Here are a few that lo and behold come from the KJB:
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
A drop in the bucket
A fly in the ointment
All things must pass
All things to all men
Am I my brother's keeper?
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth
As old as the hills
As you sow so shall you reap
Ashes to ashes dust to dust
At his wits end
Bite the dust
By the skin of your teeth
Can a leopard change its spots?
Coat of many colours
Eat drink and be merry
Fall from grace
Flesh and blood
For everything there is a season
From strength to strength
Give up the ghost
Lamb to the slaughter
The Love of money is the root of all evil
Love thy neighbour as thyself
No rest for the wicked
O ye, of little faith
Sour grapes
Spare the rod and spoil the child
The apple of his eye
The blind leading the blind
The fly in the ointment
The fruits of your loins
The powers that be
The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak
The writing is on the wall
Woe is me
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The best thing since bread turtles
Saturday, 27 March 2010
Not quite sure why, but they are cute.
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Shakespeare's made up words
Friday, 26 March 2010
Shakespeare was a genius. Not just for his poetry, sonnets, plays and ability to pull a crowd (both then and now), but also for making up so many words. While the debate rages as to whether he made them up, borrowed them from other languages, just changed verbs into nouns, adjectives into verbs, etc etc, or even whether his use of them is just the first recorded, in my view, it doesn't really matter - he's still a genius. Here is a list of some words that fit into the above category of Shakespeare's made up words:
Accused, Addiction, Advertising, Amazement, Arouse, Assassination, Bandit, Bedroom, Beached, Blanket, Bump, Cater, Champion, Countless, Epileptic, Fixture, Flawed, Generous, Hint, Lonely, Mimic, Negotiate, Obscene, Premeditated, Rant, Summit, Torture, Varied, Worthless, Zany
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Funny classified ads
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
- Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
- Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.
- Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300
- Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.
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The triple negative
It's not often you come across a triple negative, but I heard a great one from a football commentator a few years ago. A try had been scored, although there was debate as to whether it had actually been scored. After watching the slow motion camera several times he said:
"There's no way that wasn't not a try"
Huh?
Does anyone have any other examples of triple negatives?
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Is God a person?
Monday, 22 March 2010
Long legal post about a case that decided whether God was a person - Read on at your own peril
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you ever wondered what a ‘person’ is? Have you ever wondered what, or who would be included in such a definition? Well the law has, and it has defined a person (or expressions to denote persons such a person, party, someone, anyone, no-one, one, another and whoever), to include a body politic, a corporation as well as an individual, (the latter of which is also defined as a natural person (s 21 of the Acts Interpretation Act 1901).
But have you ever wondered whether God is a ‘person’?
The British Columbia Court of Appeal in Canada has, in the case of R v Davie, [1981] 2 W.W.R. 513.
The factual scenario of this most fascinating case was that Davie was a suspected arsonist, but had agreed to take a polygraph test. Unknown to Davie, the polygraph room included a hidden microphone and video camera. After leaving Davie alone in the room, the two police officers activated the equipment from a switch outside the polygraph room. The officers observed and recorded Davie falling to his knees, saying "Oh God, let me get away with it just this once." As a result of this “Oh God” admission, prosecutors subsequently charged Davie with willfully setting fire to a forest. The "Oh God" statement was held inadmissible and Davie was acquitted, but the prosecutors appealed the decision, thus setting up the legal debate over whether God was a person.
The significance of the case was that if God were a person, Davie would be protected by the law, as the police were not allowed to intercept and record a private communication between two persons without lawful authority. If God was not a person, no such protection was available, and the police could just use the evidence as a blanket admission.
While one judge decided that the issue did not need to be decided, two other judges held that the interception of a private communication requires a speaker and intended human recipient, who must be part of the human species. As there was no intended human recipient by the “Oh God” statement, there was no protection available for Davie.
So all this means that poor old Davie’s prayer to get away with it just this one time, went either unheard or unanswered.
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SMSing while driving?
Sunday, 21 March 2010
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Good advice
Saturday, 20 March 2010
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.”
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What women want
Another of my graphjam creations:
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The great superglue dilemma
Friday, 19 March 2010
I had to superglue some stuff together the other day, but had a small problem. I realised after almost wearing my fingertips off by trying to twist the top off, that the glue had at some time in the past leaked and that the superglue top was superglued to the superglue tube. As I said, a bit of a problem.
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A melon shark
Thursday, 18 March 2010
Just a random picture, which I think classifies as art:
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Nominative determinism
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
In case you don't know what the title is about, it means that your name determines what you will do in life. For example, take a look at the name of the Executive director of the NSW Art gallery society:
That is nominative determinism.
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An arist? or pervert?
Monday, 15 March 2010
To follow on from yesterday's how to become a pseudo art-critic ...
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How to become a pseudo art-critic
Sunday, 14 March 2010
Let me begin this post by stating that I know very little about art and have very little ability in art. I cannot draw, nor paint, nor sculpt nor carve and in my opinion, Mr Squiggle was a genius. But despite this, I still enjoy going to art galleries, I still enjoy looking at different types of artwork and I still enjoy living in a society that supports artists, whether I like the art they’re producing or not.
But the great thing about art is that it does not matter whether you can tell the difference between a Monet or a Michelangelo, (or even if you think the latter was the one who had nun chucks), you can still discuss, debate, dispute and deliberate over art without anyone discovering your secret.
In order to help you join the large ranks of imposter art critics, (like myself) who mingle in and amongst the many genuine people who devote their lives to studying art and do actually know a lot about art, art history and art movements, I have compiled a list of words that you need to start using if you want to sound like an art critic, and a few examples of how to incorporate these words into a sentence. (Please note, by following my advice you will not actually be an art critic, but you may begin to sound like one).
Here is my preliminary list of words (most of which are rarely used in any other area of life):
... symbolic, juxtaposition, moving, discrete, novel, expressive, dichotomy, subtle, bold, tones, poignant, abstract, systematic, perception ...
While I will again plead my general ignorance on art, art-history, and art-movements, (and at this point I want to underscore my respect for genuine art critics) it appears to me that if you use enough of these words in general conversation about art, in no time at all you will begin to sound like an art critic. Have a listen:
- “What a novel yet expressive juxtapositioning of subtle and symbolic colours.”
- “It is truly a moving piece of art with a dichotomy of shades that systematically takes the viewer on a journey within.”
- “The perception one gets is of discrete tones and bold colours, which is what makes abstract art so poignant.”
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A week on art
Saturday, 13 March 2010
For no real reason I am going to spend a week posting about art, how to become an art critic, pictures of art, and other art related posts. But it's going to start tomorrow. Hope you like it.
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McDonald's advertising
Whether you like the food or not, they do have some fabulous marketing.
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Feeling a bit chalant?
Friday, 12 March 2010
Is there such a word as chalant? I know what not being chalant means, as in nonchalant, but has anyone heard of, or even better, does anyone use the word chalant for anything?
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Wayne Swan's new glasses
Thursday, 11 March 2010
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Why zippers have YKK on them
Wednesday, 10 March 2010
The YKK stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikikaisha (say that five times fast). In 1934 Tadao Yoshida founded Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikikaisha (translated Yoshida Industries Limited). This company is now the worlds foremost zipper manufacturer, making about 90% of all zippers in over 206 facilities in 52 countries. In fact, they not only make the zippers, they also make the machines that make the zippers; no word on if they make the machines that make the parts that make up the machines that make the zippers. Their largest factory in Georgia makes over 7 million zippers per day.
In any event, Mr. Yoshida’s company zipped to number one by practicing the “Cycle of Goodness”, as he called it. Namely, “No one prospers unless he renders benefit to others.” Using this principle, he endeavored to create the best zippers out there that would hold up over long periods of time in the end product. This in turn would benefit both the manufacturers who used his zippers and the end customer and because of these things benefit his company with higher repeat and referral sales, thus completing the “Cycle of Goodness”
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The wednesday Word - toilature
Today's wednesdsay word is toilature. It is a made up word, which may or may not catch on, but is simply used to describe literature read on the toilet.
Here is my quote for it:
"His pile of toilature was becoming a health hazard. He either needed to read less or take longer for his quiet times".
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The baby skills of George W Bush
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
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Punctuation matters - The Australian High Court case of the missing commas
For those who do not believe
that commas affect all areas of life, Australia has its own comma case in the High Court of Australia. That’s right a case in the highest court of Australia that was virtually decided by where a comma was or was not, or should or should not have been in the Australian Constitution (a document written at the very beginning of the twentieth century).
The case is called Dalton v NSW Crime Commission [2006] HCA 17 (Click on the case name to view the full judgment).
The very brief summary is that the NSW Crime Commission issued a subpoena for a Victorian police officer to attend its inquiry. The validity of that subpoena was argued, on the basis of whether a commission of inquiry, such as the NSW Crime Commission, had the power to force someone from another state to attend for the purpose of giving evidence (that is, issuing a subpoena).
The relevant section of the Constitution is section 51, subclause xxiv, which gives the Commonwealth the power to make laws with respect to “the service and execution throughout the Commonwealth of the criminal and civil process and the judgments of the courts of the States.”
While this all sounds very boring, one of the arguments was whether and where a comma or commas should be put. All agreed that one comma should be put after the words “criminal and civil process”, but the main argument was whether the second comma should be put after the word “judgments” or after the word “courts”.
Does that make any difference at all?
Well putting the second comma after the word “judgments” meant that the Commonwealth could only issue subpoenas that related to the “criminal and civil process of the courts of the state” (the narrow view), where putting the comma after the word “courts” meant that the it did not have to be court related, and could be just for the “criminal and civil process of the states” (the broad view). As the NSW Crime Commission is not a “court” the first option meant they could not validly issue a non-court related subpoena for a person in another state. As the NSW Crime Commission is part of the criminal and civil process of the states, the second option meant that they could validly issue a non-court related subpoena for a person in another state.
Just in case firstly, you’re still reading, secondly, you understood all that, and thirdly, you’re wondering what the high court did, well they took the broad view, and allowed the section to be read for processes of the states, that is non-court related processes as well. The subpoena was valid, and the Victorian police officer had to attend.
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An Epicurian chiasmus
Monday, 8 March 2010
It is impossible to live a pleasant life without living wisely and honourably and justly, and it is impossible to live wisely and honourably and justly without living pleasantly.
- Epicurus
(341 - 270BC)
Greek philosopher
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How to rabbit ears yourself
Sunday, 7 March 2010
Step 1 - have spot light set up approximately 45 degrees to your right or left
Step 2 - hold up both hands in the rabbit ears position
Step 3 - smile like an idiot
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Bad jokes - keep 'em coming
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on ahead.”
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Parking for the disabled
Here is another graphjam that I created:
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The Japanese snuggie
Friday, 5 March 2010
Here is a rough translation of the japanese writing: "here is a man in a walking sleeping bag - for indoor use only. If worn outside, you may be taken away and put in a similar white snuggle with very long arms to wrap around your back."
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News flash
Thursday, 4 March 2010
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
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The wednesday Word - "political correctness"
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Not technically a wednesday word, but here is a definition of "political correctness":
“Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.”
This definition won an annual contest at Ohio State University which called for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term
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One tough nut
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Does purgatory exist?
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Some people believe that when you die there is an area in between heaven and hell called purgatory. Whether it does or doesn't exist is irrelevant to this post, as I am writing about the importance of commas, but those who claim that it does exist get support from something Jesus said while he was hanging on the cross.
In the gospel of Luke, Chapter 23 verses 42-43, one of the men on the cross next to Jesus starts speaking to him - the bible reads:
- 42Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.[f]"
- 43Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."
- "Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth today, you will be with me in paradise".
I don't believe the latter, but it shows the power for controversy the simple comma can have.
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Great deal for kids?
Monday, 1 March 2010
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A wishbone or a backbone?
"A wishbone has never taken the place of a backbone" - William George Plunkett
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